You could call this my 'Eat, Pray, Love' moment, only I don't want to go alone.
I'm set to embark on a new phase of my life, and I'm inviting you to share my Magic Carpet.
I go in search of the Beauty and Romance that I crave; to connect with a life that is Fulfilling, Joyful, Generous and Edifying, for my Mind, Body and Soul (and Crazy Sexy Cool)! On this site I hope to offer you opportunities to express your inner nerd and live out your past life Fantasies (thankfully with indoor plumbing. Frankly as much as I love historical fiction, I never would have survived pre-indoor facilities. If I didn't throw myself off a cliff, I have no doubt my fellow pioneers would have happily accommodated me). Together we will enrich our minds with all manner of Literature, from Classical to Political, and Romance to Comedy, Sociology and Psychology, Economics and Biology, all in the pursuit of a well and truly rounded 'Beautiful Sexy Brain',(what else would you expect from a Provocatively Precocious Bibliomanic).
Not knowing me you would quite naturally be unaware of just how momentous (or infamous, which is yet to be determined) an occasion this is; you see I have only become familiar with this computing machine over the past year, and I still don't have a cell phone. I am in fact probably more than just a wee bit Techno-phobic ( Just as I mastered the VCR it became obsolete!) I have assiduously guarded and protected my privacy ( I know, the very word seems to have become obsolete) since the invasion of the 'Internet'. I assure you their are good reasons for my phobias, I will seek to innumerate but a few and let you be the judge.
1) Growing up at the height of the Cold War, and experiencing weekly disaster drills in school, and daily reminders of the devastating effects of a nuclear bomb, coupled with the ongoing macabre theater of the Vietnam War and atrocities of the Civil Rights Movement, with commercials depicting Mushroom Clouds symbolized by a mere Button. Frankly I am amazed at the relative lack of obviously Button-phobic individuals. But then they perhaps weren't raised in a home with a father who was obsessed with Aliens ( he actually made his own space suit and drove nightly to the top of the Santa Monica Mountains to rendezvous with the Aliens, he also created a rather elaborate CB radio system to communicate with said Aliens, and he was utterly despondent when checking out in the grocery store, because of the numerous array of headlines screaming with Alien Abductions, and here he was working so hard to be abducted, it was devastating for him and for me. Was it wrong to hope he'd get his wish?)
2) Besides being force fed every Sci-Fi media sop available, I found by far the most terrifying the movie '2001 Space Odyssey. My nightmares to this day are preceded by that music and the Talking Diabolical Stalker Computer. Siri and On Star terrify me !
3) A peculiarity, perhaps shared by others, that left me severely handicapped as regards the dreaded keyboard ( am I the only one who is bothered by the seemingly wily-nilly way in which the alphabet is disseminated on this instrument of torture?). The only course I ever failed was typing (actually I was asked 'not to return'). I apparently do not possess, indeed I believe that I am totally lacking in the necessary hand eye coordination required to navigate a button machine, and I definitely cannot do it without looking at my hands (sue me). Back to my typing class; back then Teachers had special powers, which included the use of paddles and rulers in ways they were not originally intended for, namely for punishing, at their discretion obstreperous students. Well in that class I was that obstreperous student, and the ruler was my tormentors foil, my knuckles her target, which I don't mind telling you was extremely painful and embarrassing. I'm sure you can imagine what finally happened a few weeks into the course, I realized this was not going to get better and felt strongly that she had struck me for the last time. So I swept the offending button machine off the desk, retrieved my belongings and strode out of the room with my head held high (all 100lbs and 5'2" of me). That was the last time I faced off with the monstrous contraption until last year I was 13 when the incident occurred (I suppose this whole experience is a form of therapy for me, on many levels).
4) Have you watched or listened to the news recently ? Unfortunately I apparently watch and listen, way to much, or everyone else, way to little (or perhaps that's the point, they don't want to fear it so they don't want to know). Fortunately I kept a Diary to better illuminate the subject (and answer the real question, am I really phobic, or is everyone else just . . .)
A few Random Entries :
OK, I've fallen down the rabbit hole, really truly, down deep . . .
I was on my way back to my computer class, after having arrived the first time sans glasses, when I noticed NPR (radio) was having a terrifying discussion regarding new technology in our computing machines. It goes something like this; apparently business owners are not satisfied with their ability to invade every aspect of our lives, they now wanted the ability to listen to what you talk about when they're not in the room, through your computer or company supplied cell phone. Now the techies that created this newest insult to humanity, admitted to feeling 'uncomfortable' with the lack of regulatory oversight in their industry. REALLY ! That same morning I awoke to Collin Powell's E-mails (2years, no less) so much for delete. The night before we learned that American Olympians medical records had been hacked, and while passing my T.V. I witnessed a car in flames, why you ask, the couple were charging their Samsung cell phone. That same night U.S. airlines released a statement stating that people with these Samsung phones should not turn on or charge their phones on the plane, sounds like rather a mild response to me. But . . . while interviewing a father with his children, leaving LAX, he felt the response was "OVER THE TOP" ! REALLY ! And today, while listening to the View, I was stopped in my tracks when I heard one of the host (Jedidiah) respond to the recommendations of FBI director Comey, to cover the camera on your computer to stymie hackers and peeping toms; her response was priceless, " So what, am I going to have to have you to my house, to sit in my living room, for our conversation to be private, whats the world coming too"! She was serious (20 somethings are so funny)
And frankly for the life of me I really am in a state of continual confusion, because as much as I loathe it, and despite years of consorted resistance I've come to believe that I must become proficient on this invasive, intrusive, dangerous machine !
I've spent the previous 2 days in class learning about something called outlook. Honestly I took the test, and got a perfect score without knowing what I'd done, or how I did it, or for that matter why ! I'll explain:
I learned how to fill in a calendar on the computer. There were at least 200 different options for filling out said calendar, ranging from font size or style ( I now know what a font is, yea) to whether I would like my calendar private or available to the world. Hard choices, I know. All of which took approximately 20 clicks and 30 minutes. Now I realize I may need an attitude adjustment if I want this whole computing thing to stick, but am I the only one who realizes that it would have taken me 20 seconds to jut the same info on my paper calendar on my desk, wall, or day planner. And added bonus, its private and if I use pencil I can make as many revisions as I like. After this mind numbing experience, I now understand why it seems everyone is constantly glued to these machines, it takes an inordinate amount of time to be so technologically advanced.
I may need to stop listening to NPR. It seems counter intuitive to my purported purpose of learning how to use the dreaded computing machine. On my way to class, Brace yourself, 'fit bit and zombies chasing you'! Seriously, you don't want to know !
5) Lastly the biggest bug-a-boo of them all 'The Cell Phone'